Why I Don’t Love Air Fresheners

Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for air fresheners and the job they do, I mean if you go into a bathroom that has an overwhelming smell of “Morning Forest Breath” then I am very thankful that I can’t smell whatever the last person is trying to mask.

But the thing I can’t help thinking and why sometimes sucking in air freshener is really no better than breathing in the putrid smell that someone is trying to hide is that you’re still breathing in those disgusting floating poo particles but they’re just now hidden. Yep, the air freshener is only a mask floating in the air in tandem with the horrible horrible smell but it’s just more potent so is the scent that your nose is conveying to your brain as if it were the only thing in the air.

So when I smell air freshener I know that I’m also taking in that terrible inhumane toxic gas as well and therefore will sometimes need to remove myself from the bathroom and come back when all smells have dissipated. I shudder even thinking about it, again I’m so thankful I can’t smell that secondary smell but I may as well be because my body is still taking it in but just not processing it in the usual way.

There is a way that the manufacturers and advertising agencies can help retrain my mind though, and this is something I have decided to try and do myself, yet even as I write that I shudder as I inadvertently think of it again! Yuck.

Ok ok ok, calming down, reminding myself that I’m writing this for others who struggle too, I can get through this, I can discuss this terribly putrid subject.

What I think needs to be done is a campaign to fool us into thinking that air freshener is indeed not a lifeless secondary set of particles floating alongside the unspeakable. But instead those with the power should start trying to convince us that the fragrance we smell is indeed micro bacteria that swallow the putrid smell particles and don’t excrete them but rather fly out of your bathroom, miles up into the air on a suicide mission and burn up as they pass through the outer atmosphere of earth, never to release those bad particles into earth’s atmosphere.

Damn! I just saw the flaw in this theory, what is the smell that we take in then?! We don’t want to be breathing in the M&M of the smell world with the dark unspeakable centre coated in a nice shiny sugary outside that says all is good when deep down it isn’t.

This is going to take another set of particles. These would be the scent set made from only the purest glacial waters infused with the essence of pine trees that have never been touched by human hands and grow in a secluded part of the world where nothing bad ever happens therefore there’s no negativity in them at all. These pine trees would be the chameleons of the plant world too, able to produce all the fragrances that air fresheners come in and these would be the only particles from the air freshener that actually enter your body therefore ensuring only goodness goes into it.

That’s what they need to tell us they’re doing.

Chris Waghorn, solving the real problems you didn’t know you had.

Chris Waghorn

The guy who writes this blog. I've discovered the joy that eating good food brings so now I want to eat it all and then share it with anyone who will listen.

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